The
“Meat” of the Sandwich Generation
It’s
common that Baby Boomers are referred to as the Sandwich Generation ~ taking
care of elderly parents and kids/grandkids at the same time. You could say that it’s being the “meat” of
the sandwich.
Those
of us who have done it probably wouldn’t change a thing, especially if we’ve
lost our parents. I have. Even though it was very rewarding, I’d have
asked a thousand more questions. Why did
you live there? Who was your best friend
growing up? Why do my kids act like
that? Did I act like? Did you ever make the news? What is something you don’t want to tell me
that I should know? You get the idea.
Since
I didn’t get the chance or know what to ask, here are five questions every
adult child should consider asking their aging parents, while they still have a
chance.
Where in the world did you live? Most of us don’t relate to
our parents as being real people until we are older. But our parents actually had a life and
adventures before they had kids and after the kids left home. After our parents are deceased, finding and
getting information about that part of their life becomes very difficult. And you will need to know about it.
What other names did you use? I’m always surprised at how many kids didn’t
know their mother was married before, sometimes more than once. Domestic
partners, adoptions, absentee fathers, marriages, divorces, and other
circumstances can make records difficult to get when they aren’t your own or
you don’t know what to look for. Find
out where copies are.
Where might you have hidden papers or money? Some parents don’t want
to tell their kids this because of family dynamics. In some cases that may be true. However, if you have a good relationship,
explain how important it is to know where bank accounts are, where jewelry is, if
they bought a life insurance policy, where are important papers, and where they
hide cash. It takes much longer to
search and rescue items than just rescue them.
Is there anyone you want me to contact after you’re gone? My father had the
opportunity to call people before he died “just to say goodbye.” It was fun listening to him make these calls
because there was no pretense about it. Only meaningful words were exchanged.
If your parents don’t get this opportunity, it may be important to them that
you do it.
Is there anything you want to do with me now? The most important thing
you have is time. At the end of your parents’
life it’s rewarding to have great memories of time spent together. My father
asked me to read him some of my favorite bible verses. I read Hebrews 11. It’s now an annual ritual on his birthday
which is also his deceased day. I look
forward to it!
So,
while you are busy chauffeuring kids to practice, making lunches, visiting your
parents, spending time with your spouse, running errands, cleaning house,
running a company, doing laundry, seeing friends, shopping, sleeping and
eating, remember that even though you are the meat of the sandwich, you should
always take time to leave the bread alone and keep the main thing the main
thing.
Tisha M Diffie
Estate Closure Expert
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